Funnies

[Noxide]

After awakening in the morning with an urge to fly a kite,
he throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a
few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband,
"You need a piece of tail."
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
"Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite."

[DipShyt]

Surely those can't all be real? Are there actually people that dumb in this world?

The simple answer would be: YES!

[Noxide]

The simple answer would be: YES!

That's both astounding and really scary....

[T0rca1950]

lol
where did you fint that

[Noxide]

Q: Why do farts smell so much?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.


A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest
little lisp:

"Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"

And the shopkeeper gets down on his knees, so that he's on her
level, and asks:

"Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack
wabby?"

She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends forward and says,

"I don't fink my pyfon gives a f**k!

[Noxide]

Martin has a first date lined up with a woman he had been after for quite a while, and when she finally consented to go out with him, he wanted to plan the most romantic evening he could. He picks her up at her apartment, and then drives out to the beach. Martin has prepared very carefully for this date and brings out a blanket for them to sit upon the sand and a bottle of the finest wine. The
moonlight is shining down on them and Martin pours his date some wine. He hands her the glass, looks lovingly in to her eyes and says, "Now this is what I call romantic. The waves crashing on the shore, the moonlight in your eyes, a warm tropical breeze, a bottle of wine.....oh and by the way...do you spit or swallow?


CAREFUL... DISTURBING...

[Noxide]

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

[Noxide]

Three women meet at a Women liberation Seminar, One Australian, One American, One English. Two weeks after the Seminar they met and had coffee, the American woman say's " when I got home I told my husband that I was no longer doing the washing all the time. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything but on the third day I noticed my husband starting to help out with the washing.

The English woman said " Wow I did the same thing, I said to my husband that I was no longer going to do the ironing all by myself, on the fist day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he got the ironing board out and started ironing"

The Australian woman said " Well when I got home I said to my husband that I was not going to do the cooking all the time and on the first day I didn't see anything and on the second day I didn't see anything but on the third day I could just start to see out of my left eye. !!!!

[DipShyt]

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

The last of the brave men...

[Chris]

A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

i really laughed with this,thanks noxide!!!