Funnies

[wackonottaco]

[SuperFlash1980]

[smudgekins]

iiiit's pedobear!

[gerrit1951]

To: All members of staff

Company retirement policy

As a result of the reduction of funds budgeted for departmental areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel.

Under this pliciy, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future.

Therefore, a programme to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be put into immediate effect. The programme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Employees who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other positions outside the Company. While being RAPED they can request a review of their employment records before retirement takes place. This review is called SCREW (Study of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).

All employees who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal with the senior management. This action will be called SHAFT (Study of Higher Authority Following Termination).

Under the terms of the new policy, employees may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but be SHAFTED as many times as the management deems appropriate.

If the employees follows the above procedure he of she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel’s Early Severance). As HERPES is considered a benefit plan, any employee who has received HERPES will longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the Company.

The management wishes to ensure that younger employees who remain with the Company are well trained and therefore have set up Special High Intensity Training (****).

The company takes pride in the amount of **** our employees receive. We have given our employees more **** than any other Company in the area. If any employee feels he or she does not receive enough **** on the job, please see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure that you receive all the **** you can stand.



With effect from August, 2009

BY ORDER OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS


10 signs your an Internet geek
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my Log in to see links" and refer to your children as "client applications".

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".

2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so colon-right parentheses!"

And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:

1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!"


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mixer.jpg

[Vivian]

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...

[Belinda]

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Bankcard slider

[Vivian]

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....

[Belinda]

And such a good title for the song

[RaulRey]

This is the hardest weather here... but we still can enjoy it

[SuperFlash1980]