Funnies

[Noxide]

Would you run??

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[Noxide]

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[Noxide]

Dude, this is what I'm seeing...

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[Chris]

Dude, this is what I'm seeing...

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Me too!

[James]

Dude, this is what I'm seeing...

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Me too!

Sorry about that , they're all gone now.

[Noxide]

Military Quotes


'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' - Infantry Journal
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'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed..' - U.S. Air Force Manual
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'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons.' - General MacArthur
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'You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me.' - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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'Tracers work both ways.' - U.S. Army Ordnance
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'Five second fuses only last three seconds.' - Infantry Journal
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'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.'
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'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' - Unknown Marine Recruit
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'If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him.' - USAF Ammo Troop
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'Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death , I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing.'
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'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.'
- Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.'
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'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.'
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'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have Enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.'
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'Even with ammunition, the USAF is just another expensive flying club..'
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'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies.'
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'Never trade luck for skill.'
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The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
'Why is it doing that?'
'Where are we?'
And 'Oh S...!'
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'Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.'
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'Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; We never left one up there!'
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'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it.'
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'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.'
Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
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'If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.'
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'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'
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A pilot never admits to being lost, only temporarily displaced.

There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. But, there are no old, bold pilots.
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?'
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!' - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)

[Noxide]

I think this might be in here somewhere, but it's funny...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.


........Probably wasn't the same elephant.

[Noxide]

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable
thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red
light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn't
bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield
wiper.

Just then the light turned green and there I was with a bird stuck on my
windshield. Without any other apparent options, turning on the
windshield wipers seemed the only thing to do. It actually worked.

On the upswing, the bird flew off, and here is the crazy thing... it
slammed right onto the windshield of the car behind me. No, it didn't
get caught under the windshield wipers of that vehicle, but the car
behind me was a police car.

Of course, knowing my luck, immediately the lights went on and I was
forced to pull over. The officer walked up and told me he saw what had
happened at the light. Trying to plead my case fell on deaf ears.

He simply stated: I am going to have to write you up for flipping me the
bird.